Monday, October 31, 2011

A Sunday Stroll, A Walk With God: Part 2

And so the stroll begins!

Deep sighs as I start to think of all the questions swimming around in my head.  

What is my life to be like?

Where am I to live (it's time to move from Jersey)?

How can I afford it with what I am currently making?

How can I run my business if I have to take on another job on top of my current job...that would be 3 jobs???

Why am I not worth more?

Is this all I am to make?

Why can't I have a nice home, in the city I love, with working appliances, a kitchen I can use, and a peaceful surrounding???

How do I take the next step?

What is the next step?

Why do I have this skill if I am not meant to flourish with it?

Why am I so driven?

Why? Why? Why???

I imagine God takes a deep sigh, swallows a giggle as he listens to these truly deep felt questions.  They are very real concerns and as a human I just don't have the answers.

All I know is that I don't think I am wanting too much for my life but I do think/know I DO want more!!! And I am absolutely worth it all!

So I breath, and step into NYC and head towards the park.  I feel so good on this island, so at home...why am I not here?  Why can I not afford to live here? That seems crazy...millions of people live here there must be a space for me...I truly believe there is!!! 

I ask for a new journal (when I am feeling like this I need a fresh book to start a fresh outlook)...but no bookstores along the way??  And then...the Folk Art Museum shows up and in their gift store I happen to find just what I need...a little book of blank pages with a cover picture of a monkey holding a rose with a butterfly on top! So fitting...(I am the year of the monkey, my business is making rose hats, and do you remember before I left Maui...the whole butterfly story feeling like a Caterpillar in the cocoon but then coming out the Butterfly that flew all the way towards Her Dream!?!?)  Well, I do!  And this little book was less than $5...SOLD!!!

I turned the corner and strolled straight to the park where I came across this site!

 Autumn in New York, SNOW in Central Park...Dreamy!!!

As I stroll my over whelming feeling is pure joy!  I am SO happy I am here, now, able to see, feel, experience THIS!!!  

THIS IS why I came...because I have always wanted to experience this.  Then God shows me his art.

I am filled with gratitude that this IS my home and I get to be here any time I want and this experience is for me!

I feel a sense of comfort as I leave the beauty and nest of Central Park and head down my familiar Fifth Ave.

I walk past Bendel's and think...I won't or will I ever be in this store???  I know that God has something even more amazing in store for my business...more amazing than Bendel's???  WOW...I look forward.

I feel blessed and rather satisfied but not completely fulfilled with all my ponderings.  I know that TRUST is the answer so I keep walking.

I then find myself in front of a huge and beautiful classic NY church.  Saint Thomas Church on Fifth Ave.

Oh how I wanted to go to church today but 11 am in the village is hard to reach from Jersey City.  I wish I could just go inside and pray.

And then...God answers that prayer!!!  At 5:30pm that eve there was to be an organ concert...what time is it I wonder???  5:09pm!!!  I head in.

O.M.GOODNESS!!!  This church is even MORE amazing on the inside!!!

I find a spot, settle in, pray a prayer of gratitude for what I am experiencing and then am blown away as the organ starts...the organ that is over a story high!!!

I pull out my new blank book and pick up a hymnal.  I start to read hymns as the organ concert proceeds.  And then I start realizing that God is speaking directly to me through these hymns.  These are the following messages I received, gratefully:

Sometimes I feel discouraged
and think my works in vain, 
but then the Holy Spirit 
revives my soul again.  
If you can not preach like Peter,
if you can not pray like Paul,
you CAN tell the love of Jesus
and say "He died for all."

Teach me my God and King,
in all things to see,
and what I do in anything,
to do it as for thee.

Almighty God your word is cast
like seed upon the ground.
Now let the dew of heaven descend
and righteous fruits abound.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
the clouds ye so much dread
are big with mercy and shall break
in BLESSINGS on your head

His purposes will ripen fast unfolding every hour,
the bud may have a bitter taste but sweet will be the flower.

Word of God come down on earth 
Living rain from heaven descending
Touch our hearts and bring to birth
Faith and Hope and Love unending.

If thou but trust God to guide thee
and hope in him through all the ways
he'll give thee strength 
whatsoever betide thee

NOW...yes these are truly old school hymns but WOW oh WOW how poignant the timing and the message to me and my personal trial.  This final one really says it all and I left the church, the moment, completely satisified with the answer I received.  

Read'll see!

How firm a foundation ye saints of the Lord
is laid for your faith in his excellent word
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
to you that for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I AM with thee; O be not dismayed!"
For I am thy God, and will give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand
upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
the rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
for I WILL be with thee, thy troubles to bless
and sanctify to thee the deepest distress."

When fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
my grace all sufficient shall be thy supply
the flame shall not hurt thee I only design
thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.


I hope this has been a blessing to you.  It has richly blessed me.  I still don't have ever answer but I do know I am absolutely on the right path, going in the correct direction and refined to be the very best I am put on this earth to be.

Be blessed this week and watch for the voice of God as you are guided in each and every step.  Taking a moment to sit back and reflect on this presence has made the most amazing difference.

Happy Autumn!!!

A Sunday Stroll, A Walk With God: Part 1

Yesterday, Sunday October 30,2011 I woke up weary...cozy but weary.  

I had experienced "quite" the week!!!

Diligently I had prepared for a chance to possibly woo the buyers of a store I love on Fifth Ave. to go into relationship with my business.  Myself and about 300 other designers of various accessory categories.

I was incredibly prepared, more so than any other time in my life as a designer.  I was balanced, I was ready!!!  And I showed up in very chilly weather, but I was prepared for that too!

I had my few minutes with the buyers and they DID like my product...however...they didn't have room for it.  The hat dept was full and so with that I graciously thanked them for their time, packed my gals and headed to a pub for a brew and a shepherds pie (of which I ate the whole serving!)

I then headed to one of my places of my friend Stephanie calls it fittingly  so: Beloved Central Park.  And it is!!!

It was very chilly, windy but dry...I was in a daze still because even though I feel satisfied by what I am doing I still feel lost.

This can't be it?  It just can't because it's not that great!  It's okay, and I have the basics but many days I don't even have those.

I blur-rily strolled along knowing I had to announce to the masses the results of the event.  Best friends awaited chats, current bosses and co-workers in the industry would want to know, all the supporters who diligently pray for my world deserved to know and it was time for a choice... Find the positive for the moment.

I did...I do.  It WAS positive...the results really are yet to be fully discovered.  And I AM prepared and ready!!!

I in a daze went and bought a down comforter and flannel sheets before taking the numerous trains back to my current home, made the bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

On Saturday I went to work (and I wish I didn't have to).  Emotionally I was raw and drained, highly sensitive and would have liked to stay hidden under that great big down blanket...but I geared up and took off to buy a pair of all-weather boots prior to work.

Good thing I left early as the trains were all a mess, the storm had come in, the rain was cold and thick.  However...God showed up!

While realizing I had a 20 min. wait in the rain for a train (grrrr) the announcement came up that due to whatever there was a shuttle to the next stop...across the way was a big bus heated with fluffy seats that I was able to enter and be driven just a little closer.  Totally God!!! 

I got my boots which are fluffy, warm, and weather proof and trekked out towards NYC.  When I came up from the train platform and started walking along 9th St. I noticed something...the rain looked different...the rain WAS different...IT WAS SNOWING!!!

O.M.Goodness!!!! It was snowing!!!! I was so excited to be walking in this snow storm with the flakes landing on my tongue, my smile was broad and I was then SO happy that I did indeed have to get up so my first snow experience would be strolling through NYC and not  just at the current casa in Jersey City.  God AGAIN showed up and showed me he was watching, caring for my needs.

Now... the part I am choosing to focus on is the places I see and feel God's presence so fully is my life.  Yes, God is always there but when one is going through struggles there are times when the presence is felt even stronger.  I am indeed feeling a struggle as I start this Brand New Life.  And God is indeed wrapping his wings around me gently caressing my soul to remind me that he has this covered.  He has me covered.  Praise God for this!

So it's the somewhat little things that really aren't so little at all.

Here's mine so far: 

.while thinking I was preparing for one event, I in fact found myself prepared for my entire business.  A true stepping stone. GOD!!!

.in a melancholy daze I purchase a down comforter and flannel sheets mostly because I think I am a little sad and want to be cozy as it's getting colder.  But I purchase them the day before the 1st (and early) snow storm!!! GOD!!!

. I don't want to get out of bed but by getting out of bed I get to experience snow falling on me as I stroll through NYC...SO worth it!!! GOD!!!

. I get a heated bus instead of standing outside in a cold rain (at that time) storm. GOD!!!

.I buy my all-weather boots in preparation of upcoming weather and a half hour later IT'S SNOWING!!!! GOD!!!

Okay...I got it!  Sort of.  I am human and my human nature clouds my clarity often.

I am now at work and doing my best to be present (which I always am while there.  I am a professional first and foremost).  But deep inside me I am still soft and sad.  I know my purpose is greater than building someone else's business.  I am happy to build it because that is what I am there to do.  I love that I can be a part of growth and I love what I am learning and I feel a sense of pride when I see what I am making and when the business is shining.  That's my ethic.  

But this can not be it for me.  I am restrained.  I am pressed at times to hold back my thoughts because it is the professional thing to do.  I show up wanting to give my best but then feel at the end I gave my best then was expected to give more and feel drained and not profitable.  I am worth much more than less than $100 a day.  And yet I understand business and what this business has to offer.  But I watch around me and's very challenging to every part of my spirit.

I leave...satisfied but mostly happy that I have 3 days to re-group.  I NEED IT!!! One dream fa-shizzled, lots of questions, time for rest.  

I get home, through a real snow storm (my first), it's much more snow stormy in Jersey and find out that we won't have hot water till Monday.  This has been an on going problem since the hurricane that came in the summer.  I fully understand the situation but living it SUCKS BIG TIME.  It's just trying for sure.  Stormy day ALL day and I can't even warm up before going to bed.

Que sera sera!

I am so fa-shizzled that sleep is not a problem as I crawl into my cozy bed.

And then when I wake up on Sunday morning...
It's a pre-Winter Wonderland!!!!

And a beautiful day.  

I realize we have no internet connection and the house is full and screw shower I simply suit up and put on a hat...I am heading to Central Park!!!

For two reasons: 
1. I am hoping that with this snow the leaves are not all fallen...I am not ready to have the leaves go quite yet...please please have survived. (This marks my 1st Autumn back east).

2. I need a very long walk and a very long talk with God.  I am confused, concerned, in question.

And so starts my walking prayer.

I find prayer walking to be such an amazing time.  I often find that when I am burdened and frustrated that by the time I get from point A to point B I have seen an attitude adjustment.

This time the adjustment takes me from point A all the way to point E (at least).

(for the sake of easy reading I'll begin A Sunday Stroll, A Walk With God: Part 2 on the next post...I hope you continue...this may just be a word for you was for me amazing) 


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Unwinding from the journey

It's completely late at night after an intensive 3 day push...I can not believe I have accomplished what I set out to do BUT I HAVE!!!  I am SO thrilled that by being diligent and in my own rhythm (which included late nights and multiple naps...including  a morning AND afternoon nap today alone)..well I have accomplished what I set out to do.  

I have my wholesale line COMPLETED WITH LINE SHEET days before the event (Friday morning)...this means I am clear to enjoy the next two days at the hat shop learning from Barbara, coming home and chilling out and the night before the event...I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING but watch Project work till dawn moments....I am packed and prepared.  

Hoping the sleeping pills I took go into effect soon...but then again I am well rested from today's nap time.

What is this event???  Darlings it's Open See time yet again at Henri Bendel's 5th Ave. NYC!!! (some of you may remember when I did this 2 years ago...many of you sponsored my trek....bless you!)

So with that said...I present the following...
My Fall/Winter 2011-2012 and Spring 2012 Preview Wholesale Line:

                                          FALL/WINTER 2011/2012
                                  The Felts:

Felt Flower Cocktail
Felt Rose With Bow
Felt Flower With Pearl Buttons
The Carey Cloche
                               The Wools:
Wool Boucle Flower
Wool Rose With Netting

                         Spring Preview 2012

Cellophane Straw Boater
Cellophane Straw Cloche
Spring Twine Red

OKAY!!!  I can feel my over the counter sleep aid kicking in!!!  I laugh as I think about a recent documentary I watched on designer Tom Ford who mentioned that he takes several baths a day (I can SO relate as Once Upon A Time in a chateau in Haiku..I DID TOO!)...I guess now I nap!!!

But it was ALL worth it!!! 

I have done my part and God will do the rest.

Good Night!!!