Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Is It?

Now as AMAZING as my past six months have been and the celebration was (and It WAS)...it is most definitely NOT a time for me to rest on my laurels (I don't even think I have any to rest upon) but truly...it IS time to launch forward!!!

Or Is It?

I have much to do.  

I would appreciate a new casa to live in that is preferably in NYC, but at least in the state of NY!  This presents quite a challenge as there is only so much fund-age I have been able to save/raise and then of course the actual finding of a place that is real and wants me.  

I am not "out on the street", I can stay longer where I am in Jersey City, but the travel into NYC is draining my wallet and energy rapidly.

Then there is work.

The conundrum of looking for even MORE work, which frankly seems ridiculous as I am holding down my position at Barbara Feinman Millinery along with growing my own business, Katherine Carey Millinery...which, in fact, is the reason I came to NYC in the first place!!!

Whew! Breathe!

Sigh... I know, it is what it is...but then today made me think...Is It?

I thought this because I have tried to be as diligent as possible (as seen in prior post) and I have been!  As well, I have been as frugal as possible whilst still allowing myself the simple pleasures when possible...hence the Lila Downs concert at Carnegie Hall (which I love as this AMAZING treat of a performance at this AMAZING historical venue cost $36!!!)  What a blessing!

Still, for being a Fashionista, my wardrobe is small and incredibly basic, as well as, insufficient for the upcoming Winter season.  My shoes are getting a work out from the NY walk and...well...I feel no guilt about what has been able to be put away in the savings jar.  I am impressed actually and yet...it is not enough.

And I realized the other day that, indeed, I was so grateful for acquiring more Patience as more Patience was being required in My Life...in EVERY area of My Life.  

Every single area.  

Home, Work, Love, Business, Finance, Commute, Foot ware, Winter wardrobe, Family health... and there was nothing I could do about any of these things.  They ALL required time and none of Me.

So I let go.  Not easy for a strong Taurean Monkey who not only is stubborn but has a tight grip on as many aspects of her life as possible.

But I did.  

I let go while waiting for train delays over the weekend while other commuters were flipping out all around me.  I let go while waiting for responses for apt.'s to answer me back.  I waited to add another day to my shop schedule.  I waited for checks to come in fully, waited for someone to purchase something from my website, waited to hear how my Aunt was doing as she waited in the hospital, and so on.

Interestingly, as I waited that day I focused on beauty.  I focused on the beauty everywhere around me.  Each tree and leaf in all their Autumn splendor, 

the way the leaves looked against the cement,

the structure of the buildings, the history everywhere. the people around me, the subway platform...I simply focused in.

Everything so beautiful.

That is my job.  Look for the beauty and let God do the rest. My intention is spot on, my ability and capability are present, I show up, I am ready, willing, and able...and I am NOT in control what-so-ever!!!

You know what I really want to do???

I want to ENJOY THIS SEASON!!!  

This Season I have waited for for numerous years to enjoy!!!  Holidays in NY...in two days there is the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade which I have wanted to see since I was a kid...AND I WILL!!!  There is a soiree at The Plaza the night before with a small group of very cool, very kind souls that befriended me when I got here...AND I WILL GO!!!  Then it's Holiday Time in NYC!!!  Christmas and New Year's and all I want to do is simply...


That IS IT!!!

                             SO BE IT!

1 comment:

  1. God takes care of my needs!!! In the time that this was posted this morning, through the time I took a needed nap (from lack of sleep last night) I did in fact receive the other part of a check I had hoped for as well as a prayer posted to my face book page:

    Praying for: Katherine

    Scripture Blessing

    Scripture: May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.

    May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

    We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests. -Psalms 20:1

    Prayer: Lord, I pray this blessing over Katherine, and I agree with Your word and Your heart that she should be blessed. We will all rejoice together, Lord when You give her the desire of her heart, make her plans succeed and cause her to be victorious.
    I bless her Lord in Jesus name, amen.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    I felt overwhelmed today...obviously. I felt like I had done my best but it wasn't enough and try as I did I was getting no where. A nap was the only sane thing I felt I could do. But indeed THIS was exactly what God wanted me to do...R E S T ...and while I rested He took care of a couple things.

    Another ray of Hope appears.